Sunday, January 13, 2013

Some strength

Some of my friends just left Makassar for good. They've completed all 16 rotations for clinicals, passed all the important exams and didn't take that much time off between rotations.

Why are they done and why am I still stuck here? Well Mara's contract is for 6 years therefore I still have up til June to get through everything. And I've been taking my sweet time all this while. Taking a month off in January 2012 taking another month off in June 2012 and in 2011 I took 2 months++ off just cause I was being a bimbo konon not wanting to work during fasting month and Hari Raya, because I can.

I thought, whats the rush?

Now when I see those people sell all their stuffs and pack to leave forever....aaaaa menyesal!

Tapi nasi dah menjadi bubur. Right.

So anyways whatever, I only have 4 months left, time will fly.

Also most of the med students my batch studying in uk/ireland are only gona graduate in June so HAHA I'm not alone.

So anyways I've been reading up on life as a HO online. Theres a few blogs offering interesting insights. But what they all have in common is how miserable a houseman's life is. I even found this blog about this guy sharing his journey of quitting housemanship hehe ( It got me thinking, will I be able to go through it?

I've thought of a few reasons as to why I must, like, super try to not give up;

1. My mom. Lately whenever I ask my mom to call me back/mail me kuih raya/help pitch in some $$$ so I can have enough money to buy a new phone/listen to me bitch about the hospital/buy plane tickets for me/etc she would always reply "Okay, anything for my future doctor". Awwwwww. I'm pretty sure god made a special place for me in hell if I break her heart.

2. My dad. He was a principle at this school, I went to work with him once cause I had to help him drive or something and they're having this morning assembly and he parked right beside them, went out to the microphone and announced that's my daughter in the car, she's a final year med student. -____- So yeah, if I quit I don't know which parang he's gona chase me with.

3. Money. How many kidneys do I have to sell again to pay Mara back my scholarship?

4. I actually like the idea of becoming a doctor.

5. The hardship is temporary, housemanship is 2 years not 20. And in ten years time surely life wouldn't be as challenging as the first few. Berakit-rakit ke hulu, berenang-renang ke tepian, bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian (booyah!) and all that jazz.

6. If Shahnaz can make it through, why can't I?

7. I'd have Malaysian comfort food all around me. Nuff said.

8. I'm allowed to wear pants to work!!! Clinical years in makassar - no pants allowed for girls, during office hour and no pants at all during office hours/oncalls/shifts/whatever time in anest and opthal. What the.... Sumpah aku tak tahan all this dumb rules. Nak lari dari perogol camne?

9. If I made it through clinicals with having to work in hospitals that smells like indah water, I'd do better in wangi-er hospitals.

10. Dah biasa kena layan macam sampah from the starting of clinicals, so I'm sure that was a mini training for the future.

11. I don't have any chronic diseases, I have all functioning four limbs, my eyes work fine, I can talk, my english is okay, I'm pretty okay with making new friends, I'm used to not having time to eat. All these have to count for something.

12. Am I gona waste the six years I spent tortured in med school?

13. There's hardly any blackouts in Malaysia - unlike in Makassar, ada once ni tengah2 surgery tiba2 takde electric, nasib baik the surgery was ending and we had to use torch lights to help see whilst sewing the fella up. And it was a private hospital. Come on.

14. I'd have people hating me for other things but at least I won't have people hating me cause I'm a Malaysian. Its so annoying, especially during AFF Suzuki cup season and we won, next day would come out all the super racist jokes.

15. No more dumb demo. In makassar the students are always waiting to have something to be pissed off about. Harga minyak naik/anti corruption day/presiden nak datang makassar/etc. Ada jelah alasan nak buat demo and block the main roads with burning tyres or parking huge trucks. Then the rest of us would have to be stuck in stupid traffic for hours and hours trying to get to the hospital or home from the hospital. If I work somewhere free from all this, why can't I go through with it.

16. People respect doctors.

17. They say if a doctor wants to buy a car, we wouldn't have to pay downpayment, just show the sijil thingy as proof we're a doctor. Seriously?

18. If I compare the 'housemanship' equivalent program they have in indonesia (its called internship), with our housemanship program, I think ours is pretty okay. In internship, they're thrown out to kampungs for a year, so probably less stress but their gaji is like 1.2 juta rupiah which is like rm400 give or take. Per month. Even my scholarship now, rm800 from mara monthly, I don't think is enough, I can't imagine if I only have rm400 to live with. Goodbye for sure to my dream house and dream car and the imaginary macbook air I bought with my own imaginary money. I'm not saying you can't get a comfortable salary working as a doctor in Indonesia but it takes a much much longer time and I should really be grateful.

19. God is always there.

I'm not saying all the ones who quit are wrong, I'm just trying to list down all the reasons I must hang on and if one day I hit rock bottom I'm gona come back here and read this list and hopefully it'll offer me some strength to buck up.

Sent from my iPhone


Bukan Bvlgarigirl said...

Shahnaz.Levy said...

I love you. You can do it baby. Like a diamonds. Trust me :)